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Okay, so riding the max was the same oleapos; story, like usual. Except for I noticed something quite funny...

There is a poster declaring the MAX conductor of the year on each of the MAX cars. I saw one of these proudly proclaiming a man named jim, or bob or john or something to that generic effect. He had his mustache drawn over in black sharpie, which made him look something of a pirate.

But the best part, oh yes, the BEST part was when I realized his last name:

Seamenyuk

...and I couldnapos;t help to wonder, "Does he really know if it tastes bad or not?"

I know, I have a dirty mind.

But with a name like that, it doesnapos;t take much

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Isnapos;t life funny?

I thought Iapos;d be okay here in Alaska, and really, up until now, I have been. I was determined not to miss anyone, or to feel nostalgic. But recently, people from Matawan have been in contact with me, either with a stray text, or a picture from a memory, or a dream.

And now...I miss it.

I want to go over Mikeapos;s house, and just fool around the whole day while making fun of his brother.

I want to go back to the high school, and check up on the Andrewapos;s and Josh.

I want to run First Aid calls with the squad.

I want to show up at Christinaapos;s house every month or so just to say hi.

I want to randomly have LAN parties like I used to.

I want to play with my dogs.

I want to go to work at Six Flags.

I want to be able to walk around Strathmore and meet Ariana or Stopher or anyone else from school.

I want to stay up until 3 AM playing Bubble Bobble with McGuinness.

I want to pull up next to Cleary, toss a gay joke out the window and laugh.

I want to go over Keithapos;s house and laugh about retarded shit.

I want to waste an entire day just sitting on the roof of my house.

I want to drive my car again.

I want to go to Wawa at 4 AM just to get sandwiches.

I want to wander around New York aimlessly with friends.

I want to complain about work hours, but love all of it.

I want to be bothered by my juniors...now seniors.

I want to sit in my hammock in my room and just swing.

I want to eat my momapos;s rice pilaf.

I want to go home.






And I will. But I know that Iapos;ve a purpose here--Iapos;ve already made friends that I canapos;t just leave behind. Weapos;ve lost three already to homesickness, but Iapos;ve a purpose here. Iapos;ve already medically helped 4 or 5 people, and in serious ways. Thereapos;s people I NEED to meet here, people that will change my life. And for someone who hates stability, Iapos;m just wishing I can go home to everything still the same.

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Maybe iapos;m just very upset because iapos;m stressed and have my period. I have a lot of work to do the next week but I think just doing it and getting a lot of sleep and some exercise will do me good.

Friday night I hung out with the girls from McCarthy for awhile then went over to Patapos;s. We sat in his room listening to Broken Social Scene and smoking cigarettes and just talking until 2 am. Heapos;s like a girlfriend, i donapos;t know how i feel about it. Thereapos;s literally no chemistry at all but we hang out everyday. I really want to have chemistry with a boy... Maybe Iapos;ll meet a cute one on my floor that can also help me with my homework. I just want to find someone i can be excited about.

Decided to go to Philly yesterday and Iapos;m really glad i did even though Iapos;m more sick than i was and i didnapos;t get any work done. The party was really fun, I met nick hariban and heapos;s pretty sweet. Seeing everyone was really nice and I love jill and jake together it makes me hopeful. And steve Ide just makes me smile. I wish i had courage. And i wish that dave was there. And that i didnapos;t sleep in a closet because i have random bruises all over.

I hate how in the city you canapos;t smile at someone because they automatically think you want to fuck them. Even if theyapos;re 50 years old, or fat as hell. It bothers me that men think they can tell me they want me and iapos;ll fall to my knees with joy. It seems to only happen in the city too, when I smile at a man in the supermarket or something back home they know Iapos;m just being nice, a smile can go a long way.

I hope there is something great to do Friday because iapos;ll need it after this week. I feel good about things lately.
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The thing about career is that you must know why you do what you do, and to do it with conviction and confidence.
Many chose careers for the accompanying benefits, but I strongly believe in finding a purpose that deeply links to your heart - one that drives you to complete the work with passion, with intentions to satisfy rather than just fulfilling requirements.
It is easy to be buried under the workload and lose sight of the passion, but one must remember that the fire of passion is not easily extinguished - it will remain vibrant for as long as the heart is unchanged.

What do you want to be?
What are your competencies?
Are you trying to fit into a role, learning all the competencies required by that role?
Why must you follow what is there, and not create a niche for yourself?
While following is easy and the path is proven, you may not excel on it as you may not be suitable for it in the first place
Whereas carving your own niche based on your own set of competencies is unique.
While it may be risky, treading where no man has walked before, it assures you a complete fit to what you are best at, what you are most suitable for.

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Okay, so I donapos;t usually post her except for stories, but my best friend was getting that "Yeah...uh-huh...okay...I understand, honey" tone of voice after about twenty minutes of my ranting, so I wanted to get a bit more of it out.

I canapos;t believe they actually had it end like that.

I havenapos;t been that angry since the end of the Angel episode "I Will Remember You," when Angel took back becoming human and Buffy didnapos;t remember it at all. Thatapos;s the last time I remember yelling at the tv that much. (I was about sixteen at the time, so in that case my overdose of emotion was understandable.)

I refuse to believe that thatapos;s the end. You canapos;t develop a relationship for nine years - nine years - and end it when one of the characters has eight episodes left. They canapos;t.

I think...I think he was identifying himself with Pamela Adler, and Sara with the husband. He sees himself as the one whoapos;s unchanging, and Sara as the one whoapos;s stuck. So heapos;s trying to make her leave, because he doesnapos;t want her to be stuck with him if they canapos;t move forward. Which, at the moment, he canapos;t. The lab has been his life and his responsibility and his family and his everything for so long that he canapos;t just leave, not while everything is such a mess. And she canapos;t stay. So theyapos;re in stasis. And heapos;s said it before: he wants her to be happy. His problem is he canapos;t understand that he is what makes her most happy.

::sigh:: I"m trusting them to fix this. If he runs off to Tahiti with Lady Heather, Iapos;m giving away my DVDs and declaring all the characters dead to me.
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One of the best things Iapos;ve ever bought is a 4GB flash drive. I named it TONYSTARK, because, well, Iapos;m a dork. My external HD at home is named DANIELS. Anyway, I recently acquired another one, and good timing, too, because TONYSTARK is kinda falling apart. I need to name my new flash drive. Lalala, so I named it SCOFIELD. Because Iapos;m a little bit obsessed if you canapos;t tell. And I got to thinking, well, TONYSTARK ought be renamed if the other drive is SCOFIELD, so hence, TONYSTARK is rechristened BURROWS.

Yeah, Iapos;m made of 15 different kinds of lame.

I actually have one more stick, and I might name it SUCRE, except he deserves better than a measly 1GB

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I just popped outside for a smoke after a looong long night of studying and when I went to slip back in to bed noticed that the door was mysteriously locked. I went for my keys but then I remembered that I was in my FUCKING UNDERPANTS. So I tapped on my sisterapos;s window for 15 minutes like a jackass and she let me in. So just as a lesson to all you - just because your back door has never been locked before doesnapos;t mean that one of your fickle household members wonapos;t suddenly lock it one day and if you plan on smoking in your underpants on your back porch at 3 AM, remember to check the doors first.

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I am seriously thinking about dropping World Lit now, but I am still torn on the decision. On one hand it is a good class, but on the other I have not had time to research anything for the paper in there and I have so much other stuff I have to get done before I can even start to consider it. But then if I choose to drop it I am going to have probably go through alot of crap just to get it done. URGH

I have the annotated bibliography to finish, the prospectus, and my Am Lit midterm. Then I have to start working on the actual CM paper. Exactly when am I supposed to squeeze in time to research stuff for magical realism. I admit I have shitty time management skills but seriously I do not think that maintaining that class will be possible....

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All the time, I said apos;Have to study Englishapos;, to everyone.
Iapos;m going to�write my journal in English on this blog.
(I have one blog already, by the way. But Iapos;m used to write that blog in Korean.)
So Iapos;m a beginer in front of�users of�around the world.
whether youapos;re lucky or not, if you visit my blog, let me know anything I did mistaken about English, please.

Have a nice life



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